Many women work no less, or even more men, while after work they take up the preparation of dinner and apologize to the partner if they did not have time for his arrival. They are exhausted, but continue to take on life. This can be corrected by understanding yourself and talking with a man, the psychologist and blogger Larisa Surkova believes.

Women are successful in their careers, no matter what sphere they choose, but even with the destruction of the glass ceiling in the outside world within the house, progress is not so obvious. According to the organization of economic cooperation and development, on average, women spend twice as https://www.worldhappiness.com/login/ much time on household chores than men. In Russia, they perform 64.5%of housework, in the UK – 66%, in Italy – 80%, in France – 73%. Why sometimes it’s easier for us to do everything ourselves and how to deal with this habit?

1. We are afraid to delegate. The basis of the problem is congenital perfectionism, many cannot watch how a man hangs underwear incorrectly or cuts too thick slices of bread. It is difficult to learn how to trust another performance, a man is also unlikely to want to listen to our instructions.

Firstly, entrusting my husband’s homework, we must not forget that he is not obliged to do it like us, maybe he will just buy a dishwasher or washing machine with drying, and the work will be done as well as high quality.

Even if we decided to give my husband a cleaning duty this week, and we left for a walk with friends, we feel guilty

Secondly, remember that he also appreciates cleanliness, order and delicious food, perhaps if you ask him to take the preparation of dinner without imposing his recipe, he will do something of his own and will pleasantly surprise you. The main thing is to ask directly and let him do it himself.

2. We feel guilty. No matter how we try to think according to modern standards, erasing the gender stereotypes about the distribution of households, we still love our men and want to take care of them. Caring for a man, almost like a child, is a part of nature.

Therefore, even if we decided to give my husband a “duty” of cleaning this week, and we ourselves left for a walk with friends, we feel guilty. To get rid of it, you can do two things. Firstly, thank my husband for giving us the opportunity to relax and praise for a good result. We love when we are praised, even if it is something insignificant and everyday.

Secondly, you can discuss options to facilitate both life-buy a robot vacuum cleaner, which will do everything yourself, or think about the help of professionals once a week? It is better to invent together how to optimize household chores: no one is obliged to wash and wash the floors manually, cleaning is not such a terrible work.

3. We imitate parents. If the mother always looked after her father, preventing him from getting up in order to add tea on his own, and at the same time felt happy and satisfied, it would be more difficult for us to rebuild and share responsibilities in their own family. After all, the mother is a model for imitation, if we do not act like her, we will “let her down”. Here it is worth considering and comparing the lifestyle of our and our parents – if they are supporters of the gender model “A man works, a woman cooks”, we will have to accept this and build relationships in our own family as we are comfortable.

Hence the need to discuss with his husband his ideas about the ideal picture of the family and in this vein to talk about his readiness to distribute all the duties of 50 by 50.

4. We control everything. Sometimes we cannot help but keep everything under control – it seems to us that the world will collapse without our attention. This habit, perhaps, came to home life from our work. Even if we do not have subordinates, it is extremely important at work to keep all the processes under control, keep lists, observe the timing.

The man does not understand why he suddenly should take half of household chores if he has not done this previous 20 years

It is worth trying to release this rhythm while at home – in the end, your man is also an adult, and even if clean dishes ended, there is no food, and the cat sneezes from the amount of dust, in an emergency he will be able to solve everything himself: he will send his wife to a restaurant, quickly run through the vacuum cleaner around the room and then join dinner. It is important not to forget to trust your man and ask him for help.

5. We do not know how to ask correctly. Perhaps, having overcome all of the above points, we still feel that we have not achieved harmony in the distribution of households, we have to ask all the time, and my husband does everything without much enthusiasm. Most likely, the reason is that it is not enough motivated. For example, he does not understand why he suddenly should take half of household chores if he has not done this previous 20 years. In this case, you can explain to the man what his benefit consists of, for example, while he is preparing dinner, we select a film in his favorite genre for viewing or create a romantic atmosphere in the bedroom.

If you think in a longer term, I need to tell a man that thanks to his help we relax more, feel happier and look better, and this is a great motivation.

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